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This is both funny and sad. I was 16 and dating a 18 yr old. I had known her most of my short life. I also knew she was, how do you say it, very well educated in the Original Gentleman’s Dub Club On A Mission Long Sleeves T Shirt and by the same token and sex dept. Of course we had messed around. But on this night, there was a bunch of kids drinking, smoking pot at a house that was down the street from where she lived. 1 thing lead to another and we end up in this pop-up camper in the backyard of this place. By the way, there was this other couple in the camper on the other side of it. So! Here I am, half drunk. Stoned. In a stinky camper, nervous as hell and knowing that im about to lose my virginity. Oh! With another couple in the camper screwing! Yeah, this whole thing was set up for failure. So we start making out and our hands are doing their things, in about 2 seconds I forget where im at. We are getting into it and we are both naked. Im as hard as a brick. CHECK! She is Niagara falls. CHECK! So, she guides me in and from the first stroke, all I heard was this farting sound!!! Every stroke!!!! And every time I heard this, wet, sloppy farting sound. She would giggle and say “quify!” I thought, WTF did I get myself into??? Now, im not a small guy, I was 5’11” and about 170lbs. And she was maybe 5′8″ or 9 and maybe 200lbs. She was chubby but not obese by any means. She starts throwing me around like a fucking rag doll! Her on top. Me on top. It was a mess! After what felt like a few hundred years, more like 10 minutes, I told her I came. ( I did NOT cum.) We say our goodbyes. As im walking home, in the middle of the night, all I kept thinking was how in the hell does the world populate if they have to go through this crap everytime???? I did NOT have sex again for almost 2 years! I counldnt talk to anyone about that humiliating experience! It was awful! Omg. Yeah, that was 1st time. God damn.

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